Five (of many) Reasons Why I am Probably Going to H-E-Double Hockey Sticks
I genuinely try to be the best version of myself… but there are times when I fall short; throwing all moral conscious out the proverbial window. My sister tries to tell me that sometimes I may be guilty of bending my moral compass to fit my needs. I mean who doesn’t have those moments? Here are just some of the questionable times that may or may not (depending on if God has a sense of humor) earned me a front row seat at the fire and brimstone show…
- I totally let my sisters continue to think I can’t cook. Okay, there was last Christmas when I used Funions in my green bean casserole. In my defense, I thought the grocery store would be open Christmas day. Note to all the last minute people… learn to improvise. Thanks to quick thinking, the rest is history! The truth is… I like not having to worry about cooking at big family functions. I am the sister they reserve for bringing the fruit salad. Is it wrong of me to secretly know how to cook but just don’t want to….? My moral compass is pointing to “No” on that one.
- I am developing an aversion to other’s people children. I recently attended my little niece’s Kindergarten Celebration. So there I was sitting at the graduation thingy looking around at all the other kids… like tons of other kids. And all I could think was “if one of these little a**holes gives me head lice I am going to have to punch them in the face”. Was it wrong of me to only want to see my little angel niece graduate while all the other kids were in some other gymnasium? My moral compass is bending towards…No.
- I may be a bit of a rule bender. We had a charity clothes drive at work… I volunteered to help organize and sort clothes. There was this one LBD that was totally my size and super cute. So I took it home that evening and swapped out for a piece of clothing from my closet. Was it wrong of me to want to look fabulous (outside of work of course)… My moral compass is bending completely towards… acceptable on this one.
- I use the “I’m not feeling well” excuse … A LOT. When I was younger, I would hide out in the bathroom after dinner while my sisters cleaned up. Honestly… there were 4 or 5 of us… who would notice? On the occasions I got caught, my go-to would be “but I’m not feeling well”. Now that I am 46… hiding out in the bathroom just doesn’t cut it, but hiding out in the bedroom… now that’s a whole different story. On the days I need a time out, I break out the “mom has a bad headache” and head straight for my keeping room… as in needing-to-keep-my-sanity-room. Seriously, I have three teenaged girls… my moral compass swings totally to… yes on this one.
- I’m a fan of the “little white lie”. Sometimes I have to break out the surprised “OMG… who ate all the chocolate” face to the girls, when I know the whole time it was me. Or if I am running late and you call to ask where I am … I may tell you that I am almost there, when in fact, I am probably just leaving the driveway. Don’t worry, I will explain all about the horrible traffic when I get there (wink, wink). For me, as long as my “little white lie” doesn’t harm anyone, my moral compass will bend totally towards…fine on that one.
Luckily for me, I’m Catholic… aka… I get to go to confession and wipe the slate clean, promising to be better. I can only hope that after occasionally falling off the “I’m never sinning again wagon”, I’ll end up in Purgatory instead of the fiery down under. My moral compass would be in total agreement… besides, the whole hair on fire look doesn’t really work for me… just saying.