I Think I Might Be Having An Affair…

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Never did I think that I would ever be one of those wives…

The other evening I was reading an article on ways that you know your partner is cheating. Quickly I scrolled through the list and didn’t think that my husband fit the cheating bill in the least…good husband.  I finished the article and moved onto some mindless internet surfing when a pit formed in my belly and I realized the most horrific thought…

I think I am having an affair.

It is true.  A day does not go by where I do not think of the object of my affection.  Friends, I am in pretty deep.  I spend massive amounts of money on my love and am never EVER disappointed after one of our rendezvous.  Now I would not say our relationship is healthy, in fact the addiction and draw is probably the opposite.

Guys, I am having an affair with Target…. let us consider the evidence.

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I think about my love every day.  Should I go visit?  Is it crossing the line?  Is my husband going to find those stashed receipts and rage, banning me from seeing my beloved Target again?  I find myself wondering what is going on with my Target.  Is their a new sale going on?  Have they restocked the clearance rack?!  Jesus I am getting hot just thinking about that clearance rack.

We are forced to creep around.  My husband has a sneaking suspicion that Target and I are serious, yet I try my best to keep the truth from him.  I don’t want to hurt the man I love, the father of my children.  I can not have him knowing that I am throwing his hard-earned cash away multiple times a week at Target.  It would break his heart to know that I simply can not live with the cute boots and comfy yoga pants that my local Target provides me. Yet I love Target and am willing to risk his wrath.

Yes, I will be paying cash for this.  F**k no I don’t want that receipt!  Burn that.

My heart skips a beat when I come near Target.  I pull into the parking lot and I just know…

IT.IS.ON!

I am excited and thrilled at what I will find inside.  Although I am a little nervous at what the bill might come to, I am ready for you Target…bring it.

Never, ever, EVER am I disappointed with my obsession.  There is always something new and exciting when we meet.  What is this Target?  A new BEAUTY COUNTER display…oh show me more!  Whoa Target, you brought out the new seasonal housewares just for me?  Now we’re talking.

I am yours Target.  Shhhhh.  Don’t speak.  You had me at 30% off…

I am pretty sure I cannot live without Target.  In fact a few years ago my family was considering a move across country to a majestic little town tucked away deep in the mountains of Colorado.

“How close is the nearest Target? I asked one of the local residents.

“Oh, you have to drive into New Mexico for that…maybe 250 miles or so.”

What the F**K!!! Absolutely not.  That is downright insane.  Not being within 15 minutes of my love is a deal breaker.  That is a hard ass line in the sand  for me.  Case closed…moving on.

I do worry about the possibility of Target ever closing it’s doors forever.  I truly do not think that I would ever recover from such a trauma.  Where the hell would I go?  I can’t even think of a substitute for this affair.  Now I really don’t think Target will EVER go out of business.  I alone probably float 10% of the Target financial boat.  I guess I am kind of a sugar mama, but I LOVE Target.

If my husband ever puts his foot down and makes me choose between him and Target…

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Let us hope for the sake of our marriage and our family that he never does because I think you and I both know what the decision is going to be.

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