In the Blink of an Eye

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There are days that I still think that I am 22.  Really.  Maybe it is the delusion of old age.  Maybe it is emotional survival.  Maybe it is that everything after 22 happened in the blink of an eye. And then there is today.

Today, my college roommates messaged me to reminisce about the olden days in our decrepit dorm. We talked about boys who are now men. Inside jokes that still make us chuckle. Familiar places that no longer exist. Parties at which we lingered until dawn. People whom we no longer know, some of whom are no longer with us. At the time, every moment seemed incredibly important, utterly vital to our everyday existence. Yet it was all so incredibly fleeting, and now these moments are simply memories. Mostly fond memories with people who will mostly hold a special place in our hearts.

And then it hit me. My child will be leaving my home in about a year. I will have a child who is around that age. I cannot be that age, because I will have a child who will be leaving our home and starting a new life without me, without his father, without his brothers. A life that will consume him, a life that could take priority over his life in our home.

And then it hit me. My child will move into a dorm room and meet people who will have some sort of, hopefully positive, imprint on his life. A child who will be meeting people with whom he will forever share the bond of college. He will visit new places, make new memories without us, and start his separate life.

And then it hit me. Twenty some odd years from now, he will communicate with his college roommates and reminisce about familiar people, places, and events. He will try and recall names and places.  Events that were too important to miss at the time. He will be my age.  And I am no longer 22.

And then it hit me. Life happened faster than I anticipated. I no longer have four little boys running about my house. My baby, my firstborn, is almost an adult. So everything has a greater sense of urgency for me. As I put off doing anything until tomorrow, tomorrow quickly became a memory. And as much as I enjoy reminiscing about those fun yet fleeting college days, I beg to savor these days. This last year or so as a complete family unit.

Today, I was forced to remember that I am not 22 anymore. Not in a bad way. So many good things happened after 22. So many events that were truly vital to my growth, to my life, to my inherent happiness. Starting with my family and including this child who will be 22 in the blink of an eye.

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