Lately, I’ve been following Bunmi Laditan (creative genius behind The Honest Toddler, published author of “Toddlers are A**holes”, and social media mom-star). For me and lots of moms I know, she is our new heroine. We fanatically like and comment on her posts, we share her page with our friends, her’s is the name we bring up followed by “You HAVE to follow her, she’s great.” She’s honest in a way we usually aren’t. She’s funny in a way most of us would love to be, but get it wrong, and she makes this whole motherhood journey feel like a tribe, instead of the individual.
I sat down this morning, after reading another of her insightful, self-reflective and honest posts (she puts up multiple a day, I literally don’t know how one person is so damn intelligent while wrangling 3 small children) which by the way, already had 4.2k likes, and I thought about why it is that we all love her so much. What is it about Bunmi that makes her so relatable, so empowering, so…well…addictive?
Shes inclusive. She is a feminist, that much is obvious, but she is also inclusive. She is a non-judger of mothers. For us, her followers, she has created a group that practices “Inclusive Motherhood”, and it must be just what we need.
For months, I have been toying around with the question of why we all feel the need to judge other parents so harshly. Do we feel entitled to direct our disgust towards others? Do we feel righteous in knowing our way is the best way? Do we feel satisfied in putting another down, if only inside our own feeble little minds? If so, what does that say about us as parents, teachers, mentors & role models?
Is our judgment based on our ever-increasingly independent society? Do we feel so secure in our small cocoons of social circles, that we allow ourselves to judge the ones on the outside? In contrast, do we judge because we are insecure about our choices? Do we judge because we are jealous of another’s decisions or circumstances?
The answer to why we judge other parents will be different for each of us, but the act of judgement says the same thing about us all. The act of judgement says that we are narrow-minded, proud and foolish. When we are judging we are not practicing Inclusive Motherhood, and we are definitely not sitting with the Bunmi’s of the world.
On Bunmi’s feed, which acts like a salve to so many of our daily wounds; a safe place to admit our failures, flaws and weaknesses, we can rejoice in our differences. We see someone with a character so strong, she can show us her failures while holding the image of the mother on the highest pedestal. She shows us that it is possible to simultaneously laugh at yourself, and empower the voice of women. She shows us that we are allowed to be weak and prone to errors in judgement, as long as we are still strong enough to hold up our sisters. She shows us how to be Inclusive Mothers, and her timing is perfect.