Reasons NOT to attend an Adele concert

reasons not to go to adele concert shutterstock_83652718

Reasons NOT to attend an Adele concert

  1. You prefer the Lionel Ritchie version of Hello.
  2. Your friends really really need you to get over the pretend boyfriend.
  3. Your gaggle of gays will “LEAVE YOU DUCT TAPED IN THE TRUNK if you for one second try to cry over that waste of space ‘boyfriend’ who dated someone else after your eighth grade tryst. No, I am NOT kidding, Tasha.”
  4. Your favorite new dress on Gwennie Bee has not come yet, and you have nothing to wear.
  5. Your hook up on “swipe right” cancelled and now you “really get her lyrics”.
  6. You are not sure if you should wear the chunky boots with the skinny jeans and the cable sweater or a retro Betty Page thing for a platonic friend date.
  7. You are hoping you will meet a nice, sensitive man who will understand you at the concert.
  8. You are hoping you will meet a nice, drama free woman who will understand you at the concert.
  9. You think you sound like Adele and if you are close enough to the stage she will see you, and understand your journey and call you up for a duet.
  10. You are a plump, over 40 wife and mother who can’t bear the thought of seeing the 20 something version of herself in multiples all over the stadium.
  11. You like rap or death metal or can dance like Beyonce.
  12. You like to only hear the artist and not the audience.
  13.  You are the designated driver for “moms night out with Adele” and one of your ladies has fallen off the wagon. Again.
  14. The friend you are going with just broke up with her fiance/husband/partner/fuck-buddy.
  15. The friend you are going with finds Adele “a little screechy”.
  16. Your husband wants to go with you. And ruin it. Like he ruins everything. I mean, for chrissakes, he belongs to the holy trifecta of suck that I watch all year round; football, baseball and hockey, and none of these asshats can win. But NOOOOO, the one night I want to do something for me, you ruin it because ‘my back hurts’, ‘you used to have a dress like that’, ‘God, does she always have to cry, I mean, this is her job, right?’ ‘on our way home, can we stop for some wings, I’m hungry’.
  17. You couldn’t get tickets except on StubHub for $9k. A Ticket.
  18. The girl in the office with the Gucci boots and the perfect hair got tickets and wants to know if you want to be her “plus one” for the afterparty. AS TEMPTING AS THIS SOUNDS…. just say no. You life will never be as interesting, exciting or evolved as hers. And furthermore, she will “forget” she invited you and you will not get in, your shoes will be too tight, and after standing outside in the cold without proper outwear, the skinny girls at the PR table will escort you to the bathroom, and you will catch a glimpse of the life you will never have.Just don’t do it. It will haunt you forever.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *