To My Daughter: About the Mean Girl

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To My Daughter About the Mean Girl

You are only 7 and in the first grade.  You are growing up and experiencing new things, new places, and new people.  Unfortunately you’ve also had experience with A Mean Girl.  I wish I could tell you that you don’t have to deal with these kinds of girls but you do, and they are out there, and when they grow up they become mean women.

When I was growing up it seemed that I was a bit older than you before the mean girl appeared.  You didn’t have the luxury I did of a few years of innocence, where everyone around you was kind and you were naïve about what a mean girl was.  It started way too early for you.

What is a mean girl?  She is shrewd and she is a bully.  She uses mental games to try to make you feel bad and to bring you down.  She can be obvious about it or she can be very subtle.  She may be mean to your face or she may gossip and work behind your back.  She can handily turn any situation into one where she has the advantage and the upper hand.  She likes to feel superior and she likes to be in control.  She’s good at what she does.  She may even try to pretend to by your friend.  But don’t be fooled.  She is not.

I want you to know that she is mean because she is jealous.  She is jealous of you, your friends, your talents, and your personality and probably jealous of your family life.  She doesn’t have your self-confidence, your character, or your humility.  She likely doesn’t have stability and love and support like you do.  She may not have what you have (even if what you have is average) but she want it.  She wants to make you feel bad for having it.

How do they become mean girls? you ask.  That, my dear, starts at home.   Mean women raise mean girls.  Women who themselves lack self-confidence and character and who manipulate those around them to be on top and to feel superior.  They are usually miserable people. They find pleasure in making others miserable.  They show their children that this is the way to behave.  I have to deal with these mean women and it certainly is not easy.  They play the same mental games and try to exert their power over others leaving hurt feelings in their wake.  They too are jealous and jealous of many of the same things – friendships, clothes, family, and relationships.

So what do you do to fight against the mean girl?

  • Ignore her. No matter how hard it is, ignore her.  Don’t give her any ammunition.  She feeds on the fact that she can get under your skin.  Don’t let her.  Mean girls seek attention – a lot of it.  Don’t give it to them.
  • Be smart. You are smart, smarter than her, so use your capabilities to disarm her whenever you can.  Find her weakness and use it to your advantage (without being mean yourself).  You can outsmart her and you will.
  • Be proud of who you are and what you have. Don’t let her make you feel bad about anything and don’t be less because of her.  Be humble, but be proud.
  • Remember that this mean girl will eventually go away. Maybe not today or tomorrow but she will. Unfortunately there will likely be another to replace her.  If you are strong and believe in yourself you will less easily fall into her trap.  If you stay smart and true to yourself she will not prevail.

Remember that I will always support you and listen and will always do my best to help you fight against the mean girl.  I wish I could keep these mean girls away from you but I don’t have that power.  I can, however, remind you that you are amazing and strong and resilient.  You got this.  I love you.

Mom

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