Why Buy The Cow When You Can Get The Milk For Free?
When do you know if your marriage is really a marriage? When does the honeymoon period begin and better yet how do you know it even begun? My husband and I have become so comfortable in our relationship that we just go with routine, never spontaneity. Where did we lose it? But if I honestly look at our story from the beginning – all the signs were blatant – I just chose to look the other way because I loved him.
He was sweet, charming, bashful, handsome, respectful, intelligent and everything I thought I wanted in a man. Our first date was our last because we clicked instantaneously. From there, we spent every day together, enjoying each other’s company. Three months later that getting-to-know-you phase became “instant family planning.” We had become pregnant and I literally felt like my life was in a bubble. I felt like I was in a cloud, waiting for the sky to slowly open up with a downpour of rain that would fall all over me. I was having a child with a man I barely knew. A man who was six years younger than me and still lived with his mom. As scared as I was, I took a leap of faith and kept a level-head and an emergency contingency just in case things didn’t work out. Two kids and six years later, we are still together. I won’t lie and say we always lived happily, but we make it work. We’re a blended family, as we have one child each from previous relationships. I, a sassy seventeen year old daughter and he, a mischievous seven year old boy. Together, we’ve had two adorable boys : a five year old and a 17 month old. You would think we had all this time to get to know each other, but quite honestly…No…We are still in the process.
Our immediate family forced us to put our relationship on the back burner. We focused on the day to day stuff: working, raising the kids, birthdays, holidays…we even got married in the middle of it all. Don’t misunderstand; I love my husband very much. He is amazing in his own right. He is a wonderful provider and loves his children. He is funny and witty and sexy as all hell. However, on most days I don’t get to see him, sleep in the same bed with him let alone spend time together. He works nights, you see, and this leaves me home alone with the kids 6 nights a week. So do you see where I’m going here? We’ve had no time to talk, to fall in love with each other, to get out of our routine. We’ve become complacent. It’s become annoying or awkward when we are together and I honestly don’t want that. I want the man I fell in love with! Better yet, I want to fall in love with him again. How do I get him back without being too desperate or needy? How do I put my arms upon his shoulders and shake the crap out of him and say “Snap Out Of It”? I think he truly loves me but like the old adage goes: Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free? I think he’s gotten to the point where he knows he has to put in forth no effort whatsoever .
But maybe it’s me, maybe I’m asking for too much? I jumped into a relationship eyes-closed and feet-first, so to speak. Does that mean that I should expect to feel this way, like we must tolerate each other? I believe he has the right intentions and feelings but execution is where he falters. I know that I’m a tough cookie so sometimes our personalities just don’t mesh. However, in a marriage, compromising the relationship by giving up should not be acceptable. Where did our friendship go…Our honeymoon period… Did we really ever have one and if not, is it too late to take it back and run? All I know now is that I will always love my husband and our family unconditionally. I may not always like him and what we’ve become but until I figure out a way to be the change I want, I will play my part with all that I am. Because in my mind and heart, that’s what a wife and a mother does.
xo Lily Urban