5 Ways Being A Mom Makes Me A Bad-Ass Super Villain
Becoming a mom is truly a magical experience, unrivaled by any other. However, it isn’t all fairytales and princesses. Throughout this journey of motherhood, I have come to find that I just might make one badass super villain, and all from my momming experiences.
Here are 5 ways that being a mom likens me to a super villain:
- As any super villain who is caught in a battle with their arch nemesis “good guy” might, I know your weaknesses. As I plan my incredibly decadent meals each day, I am well aware that you are not a fan of certain foods. And, yes, yes I will cook them anyway, and I will expect you to eat them. Veggies and certain meats may be your kryptonite, but I will serve them up to you on your colorful plastic plates with a smile on my face because, well, because I’m just that evil, my dear.
- As any sly super villain might, I will lie straight to your face and never crack for an instant. “What’s that honey? Why yes, yes your eyes do look a little green like Yoda since you now finished your broccoli. You are surely on your way to becoming a Jedi master just like him.” No matter how the conversation goes, I will never break from this lie that seems to be aiding me in my evil plot for you to ingest something healthy. “Yes, of course, Yoda eats broccoli. He also eats all of the other items you find repellant such as carrots, bananas, cauliflower and any vitamin fortified food. “Of course I’m sure sweetie. Would mama lie to you? Now finish up that last bite of brussel sprout mmkay?”
- What is a super villain without an evil plot? Aside from my plan for complete healthy food domination, there are certain yummy items in this house that you hold near and dear to your heart. With complete super villain stealth, I sneak those snacks right in front of you, and you are nary the suspect. “What’s that in my mouth sweetie? Oh, I just popped a carrot in there. Would you like one, my love?… No? Are you sure? Mommy doesn’t mind sharing. It looks like a cookie? Noooo… see carrots will help with your eyesight sweetie; I will be sure to give you some at lunch time.” Evil plot snack invasion: success!
- Super villains often have a trademark trait about them which coincides with their kick ass name and coordinated outfit. The trademark traits of a super villain mom are no different. The maniacal laugh of a woman who has broken up one too many fights over who has which toy, whose turn it is to do whatever, and who is looking at whom. The crazy, sleepless look in her eye. The fact that because of her responsibilities to care for other humans, keep a home, be successful at an additional job outside of the home, and who knows what else is on the list all add to the bat shit crazy factor dwelling inside her body about to erupt at any given moment. Her garb may seem mundane of leggings, yoga pants, shorts, t-shirts, jeans- whatever allows her to maneuver the way in which only a mom can, is not important. She dons her costume daily, and it aids in all her evil doings.
- The last way a mom is much like a super villain is that she will not fail to use your most prized possession against you and as punishment no less. “Oh sweetie, you love that stuffed giraffe so much? Perfect! Now please act as Mommy wants you to and listen well or you will be losing that favorite friend of yours for bedtime tonight.” And of course, she follows through on that claim when and as often as needed.
I’m not necessarily proud of my villainous behavior which helps me to navigate mom-life on a daily basis, but as you well know, I’m doing the best I know how.