Always Being On the Outside SUCKS.
I attended my weekly yoga class and at the end of the hour, wandered out of the studio in my zen bliss. As I looked around, my bliss slowly faded into annoyance. I noticed that the rest of the class was chatting away with the instructor. One thanked her for her email. The yoga instructor chatted away with the other, asking if her mother was feeling better. The instructor barely knows my name. It’s no different with the other members of the class. I think I’ve said 10 words to them in the two months I’ve been attending . Keep in mind, there are three of us training any given week. Not exactly a huge class where I could get lost in the hustle and bustle of a large class full of people coming and going.
WAH WAH WAH
Maybe I have the problem and I’m not friendly, you’re thinking. Maybe I’ve got a seriously intimidating resting bitch face. I’m pretty badass, thank you very much. I love to laugh and have kids and a husband that I could talk about all night long. Oh the stories I could tell! I love to have fun and chat over dinners or drinks. I’m fiercely loyal and will do anything for the world for you. I sound pretty cool, right?
Granted, I’m more of an introvert than an extrovert, but I can party harder than most people if given the chance to join in. I hear you out there, ”just insert yourself into the group!” At my age, that is so much easier said than done. The moms at school have created their cliques, people at work have created their own little gangs (and frankly most of those people I could truly live without.) Friends that you do manage to find a way to hang out with often already have their BFF and “girl squad.” You become the “occasional” friend. I don’t share their history or any of the dozens of drunken moments they like to reminisce about. And as a side note, FaceBook is the evilest most heinous invention man has ever created. It’s so much fun to now be able to SEE all of the stuff you’re missing in REAL TIME. Yay!!!! There they all are! Out and about, hanging out and sharing laughs. Creating more drunken memories.
WAH WAH WAH
This is nothing new. I’ve always been on the outside. In school, I tended to have a small group of friends but even then, sometimes I would be the one that didn’t get the call to meet up at the mall. I wasn’t invited to the party. I didn’t get a chance to create a history of drunken moments to reminisce about.
I can try to blame my parents for the issues in school - They were strict and not very agreeable to letting me do many of the activities the other kids did. Maybe that’s part of it. Maybe not. I’ve been just as left out as an adult when I’ve had the freedom to do whatever I want. Damn! Can’t put this dysfunction on my parents or miserable childhood.
Even though I’ve now diagnosed this “being on the outside” as my own damn fault, my own mental fucked-up-ness, and perhaps my own insecurity, I’d still appreciate an outstretched hand inviting me to join in once in awhile. So if you happen to see someone that looks kind of like they feel like they are on the outside, resting bitch face or not, please walk on over and pull them in.