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And My Husband Wants Another…

I love my kids- The Fantastic Four I call them. I come from a very broken 70’s home. Youngest of four but the others were so much older and from another dad so I grew up as an only child with a crazy single mom. My husband, youngest of five had strong bonds to his family and tons of growing up Cosby style. We are older- I am 42, he is 53, and he would LOVE one more baby.

We had them close together since I though I would have issues being “an over 35 mom with chronic PSOS and many bad family stories” when we started. I have a 7, a 6, a 4, and my just turned 2 year old. Blessings.

I look at my youngest- Ally-the toughest so far. She is running through my house “I’m Naaaked Mooommmieeee” right now. With her bag of Cheerios spilling all over. And simultaneously on the IPAD watching a bunch of You Tube videos her older siblings have as favorites. She has more skills than any of my others have had at 2 and she knows how to use them.

I have to start to potty training her. She gets naked and hands me her diaper all the time when she goes pee or #2. I know that is the most positive sign- doing this three times before and reading every piece of potty training material out there. But I just don’t have the head- no heart- to start.

No more diapers for my last child means no more affair with the UPS guy for my big box deliveries. No more carrying a ton of diapers or worse- swimming diapers where ever I go. No more daily gross changing of another human beings bodily functions. And the biggest issue- No More Baby.

So would it hurt to have just one more? I feel old. I feel like my four are perfect (you know what I mean) and how could I upset this delicate world we have going? But how after almost 8 years of being pregnant and living in SAHM Baby World, how can I move on? PTA involvement? Girl Scout Troop Leader?? Go back to the Adult Workforce??? Ohhhh……

Would I really know how to talk to other adults about things other than my kids? Would I care to sometimes? Do I have the patience to teach another helpless human being everything from square one? Ready for absolute lack of sleep and what that will do to my already graying hair, body scars, and wrinkle issues?

As I write this, Ally is drawing left handed on my blackboard. While throwing the rest of the chalk all over my kitchen. And singing “Let It Gooooooo” knowing the words better than Elsa, while putting in “Moommie, Mooommie” every other lyric. Shirtless. Tugging at her pants and diaper.

Potty training and new baby talk can wait…… I need to enjoy every minute of the NOW…….

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