Angelina Jolie For President in 2016…I’m Just Saying
When I heard Angelina Jolie say she might consider political office, I thought: “Nice demure move, you sexy thing.” But as I chewed on this, it began to make perfect sense. With as little political knowledge as I have, it appears much of the country lags behind me, so I’m about to throw down some broad observations I’ve been mulling over to convince you that you would absolutely vote for Angelina Jolie as President in 2016. Here’s why…
- Unless someone in D.C. follows Obama’s lead and starts making politics sexier, our country is going to continue to have these indistinguishable or loose-cannoned types running for office. Angelina has this one down pat. Not only would she smooth over stony-faced world leaders with her mix of sex appeal and grace, but she’d double down and curate the humanitarian gals in power around the world, showing men how global efforts are swiftly handled, with the efficacy and cool of Lara Croft. If you have 8 (?) kids, there’s not much time for pussy-footing around the conference table, Mr. Putin.
- Angelina is a HUMANITARIAN. Labels, except for kind and aspirational ones such as this, bother me. Whether a politician is Democrat or Republican, and how our complicated electoral process rolls out gives me a big old white-wigged, George Washington-style headache. Okay, I get our system is elegant and works “good enough,” but can’t we get solid, moral, ethical, HUMANITARIAN American individuals to run for office who explain in plain English what they stand for and what they’ll do? I know…just dreaming.
- We’ve had plenty of robots and chimps in office. Becoming President doesn’t seem as hard as it used to be. Or as desirable. As a matter of fact, Angelina’s Californian brethren Arnold Schwarzenegger and Ronald Reagan know all too well that with some minor training, some convincing and a healthy dose of hero complex, anyone can end up in high politics. Even you, Angelina.
- Angelina flies her own planes. I’m not saying the Commander in Chief can do without military training, but can we examine this for a moment? What if a woman ran the military? Wouldn’t the rebalancing of energies only benefit our military strategically in the long-term? Plus, she wore a vial of her boyfriend’s blood around her neck for years. Enough said.
- Behind every great President, I notice there is a calm but powerful force. Obama has Michelle. Ronnie had Nancy. There were others, some I saw in black and white footage, some in pretty pink pillbox hats, but I can’t remember them by name, just smile. Brad Pitt has taken me to many places in his films, and most I can’t remember, because I was too busy staring at his face. Think about this kind of effect on viewers around the world, watching Brad standing behind Angie, his angular features catching the light, his pride in her reinstalling world faith in love.
- Her Benetton Ad of a family. What a slam-dunk Representation of the Future of the World! Need I say more? Let me take a moment to address Angelina directly: Hello Ms. You-Pulled-It-Off-Even-Though-People-Thought-You-Couldn’t! You have a Kajillion kids, even some twins. Even with the help of nannies, we all know it’s impossible to keep up so kudos to you!!
- If Angelina managed to drastically increase the number of mammograms and preventative mastectomies in our country, think about the influence she can have over the U.S. economy. One of her Mona Lisa smiles could rally stocks for a week because men are so…deep.
- Since so much of the world’s engagement in global warming lies in people believing and yes, seeing, the results of how we’ve treated earth, is there anyone better than Angelina to pose for critical photo opportunities, safari style, around the world? There’s nothing like a pic of an petroleum-soaked duck to shake things up and get people moving. Plus, Angelina strikes me as having a high tolerance for filth and bacteria.
- She knows how to wear black. She can rock ballet flats like they’re heels.
- The photo of Angelina shaking the Queen’s hand almost made me cry, and I could give a hoot about The Royals. But that baby blue ensemble, the smile, that faint hint of curtesy, that elegance. Even the Queen looked starstruck.
Which brings me back to: Angelina for President in 2016! I’m just saying…