Are You an Over-Giver Like Katie Holmes?
I’m tired of celebrities setting an impossibly high bar. Those who insist – whether in interviews or through photo opportunities – that they always put their children first.
On her upcoming role in “The Giver”, Kate Holmes discussed during an interview how Motherhood informed her acting. “I approached it like all mothers when their child is leaving the nest. There’s a pain. There’s a loss.” And on her role as a real-life mother, the star continued, “The most important thing for me is letting [Suri] know how proud I am and her accomplishments mean everything. Whatever I do is whatever. It’s really just about her. That’s what I think is most important.”
Whatever you do is NOT whatever, Katie. Is that the same you that got wrapped up in Tom’s narcissistic ways? One of my aspirations is not to raise narcissists, and these days, kids have a very me, me attitude. For instance, though it often appears my children are circling me like sharks, waiting for a last drop of blood before they give up on my raggedy body and swim quietly, victoriously away, stuffed and replete, I know they don’t mean it like that. They love me. They want every bit of me – all of the time – and so I am forced to strike that elusive balance between ME and THEM because when they’re grown, they cannot possibly afford to think the world revolves around them.
We do our personal work through our children. I’m well aware of this each time my oldest panics before bed and my daughter opts to “stay home” on a sunny day. Every day, I challenge my self to overcome myself and my limitations, worries and fears, in order to assist my little ones in getting over their own personal humps. So I get it, Katie. You want to be there for Suri. I want to be there for my munchkins. But there’s much work to be done on ourselves and with ourselves, SMM’s, that has nothing to do with putting our children first. Time alone to work on a hobby or getting back to the gym is all about you.
So when I hear moms say that their children are “most important” with a feverish urgency, I question if they are not going to the opposite extreme sabotaging what could be a perfectly imperfect balancing act. My kids know that for most of the day, there is absolutely nothing that takes priority over them. But within that same day, I try to find that elusive balance of me and them. If that makes me selfish, well, then I guess my Hollywood star will have to wait.