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Bringing Sexy Back After You Have Kids

I was pretty naïve about baby raising when I had my daughter. I talked about how I’d be back in the clubs in no time. We’d have plenty of evenings where a sitter would watch our child so we could go bar hopping and socialize with friends. Sure, things would change, but for the most part, everything would return back to normal. Sure they would. I wasn’t entirely clueless. I understood that I’d have less “me” time. I was prepared for less socializing and more parenting. There would be some baby weight to lose, but I’d lose it and do my best to exercise back to my former self. When my baby arrived, my stomach did gradually shrink back down, but something shrunk along with it that I didn’t expect: My sex life. That’s right. Despite my enthusiasm making love even in the final months of pregnancy, life after pregnancy was filled with barricades I naively never anticipated.

  1. There is no such thing as spontaneity any longer

Remember how your husband kissed your neck while you were cooking, and you ended up going at it on the kitchen table? These days it would be impossible. Usually somewhere in the same room is a toddler playing with Legos, and they are not about to let you sneak off for some alone time. We have to PLAN for when we are alone, which is not super arousing, and in the grand scope of 24 hours that window of opportunity is small. Like, almost smaller than the time I get to shower these days.

  1. When you do get the chance there is a major possibility of cock blocking

So the toddler decided to maybe take a nap on Saturday, and the hubby and I have a moment alone in the bedroom. Deciding to take advantage of the situation it’s time to get naked and down to business, that is, before our toddler decides that maybe naptime isn’t in the cards. I’m sorry, but hearing crying, baby singing, or wails for “Mommy!” are not stimulating lovemaking soundtracks in comparison to something like say, Ginuwine’s “Pony” song. Ok, I’ve never actually made love to that song, but we’ve all thought of it. The point is kid noise isn’t sexy, and makes sure the only pony you want to ride is the one on the mall carousel.

  1. Most Weekdays it is just not happening

It may seem like I’m not trying here, but my husband knows he can forget about those sexy morning wake up calls. If my child is still sleeping, I’m sleeping in. There are times during weekday naps I contemplate calling my husband home for some afternoon delight, but most companies don’t allot time for sex breaks. On weekdays the only realistic available time is at night once my husband is home, and the baby is in bed.  I swear I try to be ready, but my husband comes  home late, and after a long day of toddler adventures any feelings I’ve had about intimacy have turned into dreams of sweatpants, glasses, and cookies while watching an episode of ‘Stranger Things’.  I may consider it again as I’m climbing under the sheets, but after waiting for my husband to brush his teeth, by the time he joins me I’m halfway to Dreamland with no return ticket.

  1. Finding the Mood?

No one likes to say this but former etiquettes go out the window once a baby is involved. It’s like all those gross, smelly poo diapers, milk soaked shirts, and pee stains gave license to let go the rules of propriety. Suddenly your once sexy beast of a man turns plain beastly, walking around farting, showing butt crack, and burping loudly. Turn on? Not so much. I’m not any better. A once stylish, perfectly made-up, showered woman often smells as he kisses her goodbye for work because she hasn’t yet showered or brushed teeth, and is often sporting sweats with an ancient t-shirt, or worse, a robe. Not the stuff Sexiness is made of.

  1. You make it work

Gone are the romantic nights we stayed up till dawn laying on the beach with no one around. Over are the evenings of bar hopping before rushing home to be alone. There is no home alone. Parenthood is salting our game, but that’s what we sign on for as new parents. Our child is well worth the sacrifice. We enjoy the moments we have, and remember that it’s not Never; it’s just not Whenever any longer. Sex is an important factor in a marriage, and we have no intention of becoming thirty-six-year-old roommates.

Kids don’t stay toddlers forever, so enjoy it now; rest assured, it’s only a matter of time before you can bring all that sexy back..


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