Brown is my favorite color – Because I Am Brown

i am brown

As these words tumbled out of my then-3 year old, I felt my maternal instincts jump into overdrive. I wanted to launch into a series of interrogative questions to know who or what had made my son aware of his color at his age. I was ready to defend and draw blood –I wanted to make him “unaware” of his “brownness”.

On reflection, I suspect this reaction was a result of my own struggles as a “dark skinned” Indian. Growing up in India at a time where beauty was to a large extent defined by “fairness” of the skin color, I had struggled to come to terms with my “Darkness”.

I distinctly remember being teased by kids in the class, being called “darkie”, crying in nights, standing in front of mirror and wondering why I wasn’t more appealing to the eye. Those years were painful and I wince even today as I look back at them.

As I grew older I learned to ignore the jibes and stand up for myself. My mom constantly patched up my stunted self-esteem, pushed me to look beyond and taught me to stand tall. Yet, I constantly fought confidence battles within myself.

Eventually, it was only when I came to America that I finally let go and choose to no longer have my color define me.

However, that day as my 3 year old proclaimed “Brown” to be his favorite color, I realized I still carried those invisible scars. My first instinct to take him away to a land that was “skin colorblind” resonated deeply with my journey towards coming in terms with being a “dark skinned Indian“.

As this realization dawned, I drew a deep breath, and looked rather nonchalantly at my lil’ guy and said “That is wonderful! I love brown too”. The rewarding joy-filled smile that I received confirmed that I had said the right thing!

Today, he is 5 years old and brown continues to be his favorite color. Being brown is just a part of who he is and he loves the fact!

I am sure as in years to come there will be other such incidents, definitely some more challenging than others, but it is my greatest hope that I help my sons grows up to be “aware yet unaware of color”


Comments are closed here.

join us

Fear of Missing Out?

Not now, not ever, my Queen! Be the first to get humorous entertainment, psychology and motherhood news about SMMs just like yourself.