Even My Guilt Has Guilt
Guilt comes in many gut-wrenching shapes and sizes. And it’s always lurking and hovering, like a horrible threatening rain cloud on a bright, sunny day.
And I know I don’t suffer alone.
Guilt ruins your day. It gets in the way of productivity. It causes you to obsess over things (mostly) beyond your control.
In a nutshell: guilt sucks.
And yet, here we are, dealing with guilt on a daily basis.
Here’s what my personal guilt looks like:
I had to work late and I missed seeing my little Boo Boo before his bedtime.
Guilt: I chose work over quality snuggle time with my child. I am a horrible mother.
I dropped off a hysterically-crying child at daycare.
Guilt: If I didn’t work, this wouldn’t happen.
When the hubs and I finally get to spend some child-free time together, I sit down on the couch and…fall asleep.
Guilt: I let fatigue get the best of me. I should be stronger than the urge to sleep! Wake up, woman!
Sometimes I just want to spend an hour in a store without my 2-year-old personal shopper in tow.
Guilt: I should want to spend time with my child. I am a selfish person.
It’s finally the weekend and I get to spend time with my Boo Boo! I take him to the grocery store and Target, because we need food and because, well, Target.
Guilt: I’m dragging him on errands when I should be taking him to the park, or doing some Pinteresty kid craft with paper plates, pine cones and paint. (Double Guilt for making fun of those Pinterest mothers. I’m just jealous!)
I want to take a nap.
I just want an hour to speed read the stack of magazines that are piling up on the kitchen counter, begging to be opened.
You guessed it: guilt!
While I know the guilt isn’t ever going to end any time soon, I’m hoping I will one day be at peace with it.
Because I haven’t won the lottery yet, so I can’t quit my job.
And, let’s be real, I’ll always want to selfishly spend beautiful fall afternoons sipping wine by an outdoor fire. Reading a magazine while shopping online. Right before my nap.