Every Mommy Needs a Best Friend

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I look down at my text message that says, “How is your day going?” and smirk. I’m in the bathroom regretting that delicious black bean soup I had two hours ago. Normally I wouldn’t say anything to ANYONE, including my husband, but this is my best friend texting, so I reply. “Oh I’m great. I’m in the bathroom in pain from the stupid soup I had earlier.” About fifteen seconds later I get a reply that says, “You wimp! Yucky!” I snort at the message before replying, “Yeah. Like you, whenever you get that lovely pizza down the road.” There you have it, a friendship where basically nothing is off limits. If feel the urge to describe the horror inside my kid’s diaper, or I want to make a joke about armpits being stronger than the almighty sun because I haven’t showered yet, I can unabashedly say it. Why? Because we are best friends, and therefore cannot gross one another out.

I started thinking the other day about how every mom needs a best friend like this; a friend who will listen, and not judge you when you tell them that you’re considering jumping off the roof because your kid drove you nuts all day. A friend who stuck by after you entered Planet Parent, aka Planet Kids Come First. Someone you don’t give a shit about looking presentable around because they’ve already seen you at your un-showered, sleepless, ripped sweatpants worst, and could care less. I’m talking about that friend who laughs when you’ve just cleaned the litter box, and your cat jumps in right after to drop the biggest, most embarrassing bomb, instead of wrinkling their nose in disapproval and disgust.

Moms need a best friend they can trust, that one person you can bitch to, who won’t call you a total asshole, or spread the word behind your back. Someone who you know will totally understand your little and loud complaints, and take it for exactly how you mean it is essential to the life of a mom. Hey, I’ll admit I’m no saint. I try my best to be kind, keep my cool, practice patience, but sometimes it just feels good to unleash after being cooped up with a little child all day who I try to model a perfect example for.

Sometimes a mom just needs to talk about absolute garbage, because her day is focused on keeping a little human fed, clothed, happy, and you know, alive. My husband doesn’t give a crap about the people on Dr. Phil. He probably sits there wondering “WTF do I care?” when I tell him about the interesting persons I see on the program, but my friend will understand. My friend will laugh before coming up with a variety of scenarios to make the situation I’ve just described even funnier. Sometimes it’s just good to bullshit about absolute crap. I believe it’s natural, healthy, and necessary.

I love my husband. He’s an awesome guy, but I know I can’t take his word for certain things, like when I’m wearing no make-up and a mismatched outfit, thinking about leaving the house. He’d convince me I look great, even beautiful. My best friend on the other hand would make a snarky comment about how I look homeless, or like some spacy cat lady because my sweater has a gigantic feline face printed on it. I can count on brutal honesty, in the nicest way possible about letting me know I look batshit crazy.

Speaking of honesty, it’s a relief to be able to be honest with a person other than my mom or husband knowing that no matter what I say they will still think I’m a good person. They won’t call me a jerk, or a nut job, or tell people I’m a privileged little brat. I can just be myself. All my snide, snarky, clean freak, aging, pajama wearing self is accepted in one newspaper wrapped little package, and I don’t feel self-conscious about it at all. If my friend judges me, it’s to my face, and not behind my back, and vice versa. I know that I’m not going to be yelled at for saying what’s on my mind, or lecturing, because deep down they know it’s all coming from a good place. It’s something a lot of people don’t realize. One may have many friends, and even trust a few of them, but there is always that one person you can be outright blatant with knowing there will be zero repercussions, and they will always have your back. As a mommy this kind of friend is a gift, because every mom needs to spout off steam, cry about stuff that others would consider the perfect accompaniment for the tiniest violin, bitch about how the world seems a total trash heap one day, and heaven the next, shamelessly judge media drama, and laugh about totally lame crap outside their little bubble of mommy-life.

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