Friendship and Motherhood
Friendship is a funny thing. I used to think it was odd when I heard that two people just stopped being friends for no particular reason. But as I get older, I see how easy it is to drift apart from the people we used to hold dear. And I’ve come to terms with it. It would be wonderful to stay as close as you once were to every single one of your friends as your lives go in different directions, but it isn’t realistic.
I know that some people believe a friendship won’t survive if one person gets married and has kids and the other person doesn’t. But I don’t think that’s necessarily true. Sure, it may be a little more likely, as your common interests will undoubtedly change. But I have several friends that don’t have kids, and we still take an interest in each others lives.
I obviously don’t still maintain a friendship with every single person I dubbed my “best friend” when I was a child. Few people do. But I still keep in touch with some that I have known for the better part of my life. We don’t call each other every day, or week, or month. Sometimes an entire year will pass with nothing more than a few texts or “likes” on Facebook.
But when we are able to talk or get together, it’s wonderful and precious. We hold on to those moments and soak them in, because we know that the time we have together is going to be short-lived. So we enjoy them and look forward to the next time we get to see each other.
It may not be ideal for some, but it seems to work for me and my friends, because we all realize that life is busy. Gone are the days where we can just pick up the phone whenever we feel like it to have a long, uninterrupted phone to tell a funny story or chat about everyday things. We all have jobs, families, bills to pay, houses to maintain, new friends, and, well, life.
I don’t get mad if a friend forgets to wish me a Happy Birthday. It’s a miracle if I remember my birthday! I don’t get angry when I send a text to someone and I don’t get a response; I’m sure I’ve done the same exact thing to them! I think I’ve found the reason as to why this phenomenon may occur:
Mom Truth #45: You’ll often find that when you “think about doing something,” your brain interprets it as, “You already did it! Well done!”
— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) February 18, 2016
Being a Mom certainly doesn’t help one’s memory, but I’m pretty sure I’d be doing this whether I had kids or not. I think the writer over at One Mother to Another sums it up nicely in her post, Dear New Mom Friend. It mainly focuses on new friendships with other Moms, but there’s a part where she talks about forgetting to text people back. It made me laugh out loud because it describes me and many of my friends, new and old.
Unfortunately, I’ve come to realize that not all people can accept these facts of life. In talking with friends, a lot of them seem to have that one person in their life who has decided that if they don’t speak or see each other a certain number of times per year, they would rather have no friendship at all. It’s a silly way to go through life, if you ask me.
As I said before, I don’t talk to or see some of my closest friends for long stretches of time. But I’ve learned that the friends you will probably have forever are the ones who don’t focus on the fact that you haven’t spoken in so long, but instead appreciate the time you do get to spend together, and make the most of it.