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Mommy Drinking Game: Amusement Park Edition

Mommy Drinking Game: Amusement Park Edition

1. If you arrive at a local amusement park and one of your kids is already crying because it’s not Disney World, drink.

2. If you say “He’s two, so that’s free, right?” and your child screams “NO I’M NOT! I’M THREE!” Drink.

3. Drink again for every additional humiliating comment one of your children makes that references the “baby ticket” scam you tried to pull as you walk through the security check. (Example: MOMMY, WHY DID YOU TELL THAT MAN THAT MY BROTHER WAS TWO? DON’T YOU KNOW HOW OLD HE IS?” or “ARE THEY GOING TO TAKE YOU TO JAIL NOW?”)

4. If you make it past the ring toss section without having to dish out money for a rigged game, reward yourself with a drink. If you have found yourself in any of the following situations, drink twice:
a. Your child is crying because he did not win the game (because duh, the games are rigged)
b. Your child did win the game (WTF I thought these things were rigged??) and you are now the proud             owner (and carrier arounder) of a 30 lb stuffed giraffe.
c. One sibling won and the other(s) did not. Actually, finish your drink and go home if this happens. This situation is going to ruin your day. Possibly the whole summer.

5. Drink if one of your kids is 1/8 inch too short for the “big kid” rides. Drink twice if you measured him before you left and assured him he was tall enough to enjoy said rides. Drink three times if you showed him pictures of these rides on the internet and said things like “Mommy’s going to take you on this roller coaster, doesn’t it look fun?!”  Finish your beer if a little girl who is shorter than him scampers past him and gets on the ride because she has a 3 inch ponytail on top of her head.

6. Drink if your husband forgot the sandwiches in the car and you both refuse to go back because he swears you said you had them in the bag.

7. Drink if you end up spending $40 on four hot dogs and two sodas because fuck it, the kids are starving and need to eat NOW.

8. Drink if one of your kids refuses to eat.

9. Drink if the hungry kid drops his hot dog and starts crying. Drink twice if someone runs over it with a wagon before you can pick it up.

10. Drink if you try to give the non hungry kid’s hot dog to the hungry kid and the non hungry kid suddenly decides he DOES want a hot dog.

11. If you find yourself in the front seat of a flume ride in sneakers and socks, drink.

12. If you have to walk around looking like you peed your pants for three hours because you went on a flume ride, drink.

13. If you find yourself with a sleeping child on your shoulder because there is a 30 lb giraffe in the stroller, drink.

14. If your newly potty trained child tries to pee on a decorative plastic tree, drink.

15. If your child causes a massive traffic jam in the bumper cars and refuses move, resulting in the ride being completely ruined for everyone involved, drink.

16. Drink if you find yourself waiting in line for more than an hour to get a picture of your kids with a college student dressed as a beloved cartoon duck.

17. Drink again if you make it to the front of the line and your child has decided the duck is too scary and no longer wants to meet her.

18. Drink again if you gently encourage him to say hi to the duck and now you have a picture of your child screaming and crying next to a giant duck.

19. Drink again if you get back to the car and realize the sandwiches were actually in your bag the whole time after all.

20. Drink while waiting for your Facebook status to load about what an awesome day you had at the amusement park with your family. Drink again for every hashtag you include. Finish your drink if you refer to yourself as #blessed.

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