Motherhood Scares the Shit Out of Me!
of Suburban Misfit Mom on April 20, 2017
“Hey Nana,” I answered the phone, awaiting the latest update.
“Well, they think they found him. His body hasn’t been identified by the Cleveland police yet, but there is a body of a man in the matching car, and supposedly he took his own life. I think there was a small chase.”
“Oh good. He’s dead?”
“Yeah. Most likely. Do you know where they found him?”
“No, where?”
“In Erie.”
She rattled off some street names that I knew were familiar but couldn’t quite place. But still… it wasn’t too terribly far from where my mother -in-law lived, a town we had moved away from in the last few years as we had started having children. Erie makes national news because of the Facebook Killer. Not exactly the kind of attention a town wants.
“Well, I guess I can take the girls for a walk today then. I wasn’t sure about heading out with them. He could have been anywhere, and what would we do with only our stroller?”
“I don’t blame you, honey. I had been thinking the same thing. All those wooded areas on your road.”
And this is the sad reality of being a mom today. It scares the shit out of me all the time, thinking about how I am going to keep my girls protected in a world that seems increasingly more dangerous.
Just last summer, there were several attempted kidnappings in communities that felt far too close to mine own. One such attempt was made in the middle of the night, and the kidnapper successfully grabbed the child from her home, parents asleep rooms away, and somehow the young girl managed to get away to return to her home and still possibly sleeping parents. Can you even imagine? No one should ever have to.
With our large yard and fairly high traffic road, I have no idea who sees me outside with my children. Who watches and observes that we are home alone. Who plots and plans devious and horrible things. My neighbors are all kind people, as far as I know. Yet, isn’t that often the way of it? “Oh, she/he was such quiet and polite neighbor. I can’t believe he/she was capable of …” This is why we will soon be getting a German shepherd puppy. Born April 9th, our baby will be ready to come home in about seven weeks, and it won’t be long before she is a 70-100 pound alert and protecting force for our family. We are even discussing a second… because one for each daughter, and if one dog is good for protection, imagine what two will be like.
Am I crazy? Probably a little bit. But do you know why I’m crazy? Because I have two, beautiful smart and incredible little human beings running around that, while they drive me nuts at times, are the extension of my heart and soul running around outside of my body- and the thought of anything happening to them is maddening. And let’s face it. This world is getting increasingly more dangerous, with threats out there now that used to be unimaginable.
My brother and I, the youngest pair out of six kids total, used to be gone from our house in the summer for hours. Our parents didn’t know where we were or if we were ok. We didn’t have cell phones to check in, and we wouldn’t have thought to anyway because as we were riding our bikes all over our country neighborhood or trekking our way through the woods behind our house, what was possibly going to happen to us? Yeah, there were kidnappers then too. Yeah, we could have gotten hurt. But it was just a different time, and my parents were different parents than my husband and me.
Now granted, perhaps we are a little over the top. In a recent text discussion with my sister about my daughter’s upcoming venture into preschool next fall, she asked me,” Aren’t you worried about anything?”
LOL.
I am worried about everything!!! Which one do I pick? Where will she thrive? If she goes to choice A she will be in the same location for kindergarten through 2nd grade. That may give her comfort for those years and familiarity. But it has a public restroom. Lunch would be in the cafeteria with lots of other kids. Option B she is more secluded. Bathroom? In the room. Eating? In the room. Mama likes to keep her baby confined. Just one more year?? My decision will be based on an additional visit to each place and observation of the classrooms. My mama gut will help me to make the best decision I can, but it’s scary. For me. And maybe for a lot of other moms and dads, it is too.
The thought of her riding a bus is just about too much for me to handle at this point. Anytime I hear about a bus accident somewhere in the country, it hurts my heart. Of course for obvious reasons of feeling empathy for those poor families and children, but also out of fear for my own children’s safety one day. I can’t help it.
No one can tell you about this kind of stuff when you are pregnant or begin thinking of having kids. And all parents are different. Some don’t worry like I do, some may worry more, and the triggers can be varied. But these darn kids don’t come with instructions, and who you were and how you viewed the world before babies can be drastically different from what you become after this piece of you is now free to roam the world outside of your protection. The world isn’t getting any less complicated or threatening, and all we can do is what we think is best for the safety of our loved ones and then wait for the retribution of our kids which is sure to come in later years.
I used to think my parents kept me locked up and never let me do anything when I was younger. Ok, Mom and Dad, I get it. And to my girls when they are older, I’m sorry, but this is for your own good.
(Classic parent line, right? Finally get to use it. Score!)
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