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My “Little Ones”

I talk and write about my children often, so just by the title of this article you might be thinking “here she goes again!” Well, my friends, titles can be deceiving!  Us writers have a few tricks up their sleeves – or in their shirts. Ha-ha!

You see, one of my fellow writers wrote a fun article a few weeks ago called “The Booby Trap.” https://suburbanmisfitmom.com/the-booby-trap/ (Credit to the hilarious Ailish Delaney and I received her permission.)  As I read through, the one major theme that came out of it for me was how much I could NOT relate!   I figured I’d take on the flip-side and to talk about “The Un-booby Trap.”

So, as you figured out by now, I must not have much going on in the boob department. I’m not flat-chested – but they’re on the small side.  They fit me well though.  And I have always been completely fine with that.  I’ve definitely been envious of others beautifully flowing hair, flat stomach or perfect figure….but could care less that my boobs never reached their true potential.

Ailish’s article gave me the idea to chat about why little ones are fantastic too:

  • I can go bra-less.  Seriously, the colder weather is glamorous!  Throw on that comfy sweatshirt and no one is the wiser.
  • Although I can really wear any type I want, if I do wear a bra, I typically wind up wearing a bralette, bandeau or tank bra.  They can be sexy and lacy too.  Minimal support needed = saving money!  I don’t even think my body has come close to an underwire bra.
  • Tank tops with built in bra thingies are my friend.  My good friend.
  • Laundry is a little easier since I don’t have many bra straps getting tangled up with everything else in the wash.
  • Sagging is less of an issue – (although my age is slightly showing me a wee bit to the contrary.)
  • If food falls down my shirt, it doesn’t get trapped in there.  I can easily pick the food out. In fact, it just may fall right out to the floor,
  • Mammograms, as annoying as they are (and as necessary as they are), aren’t too bad. I hardly do a cheer when my yearly appointment rolls around, but I don’t dread them.
  • When I run (if I run!), I don’t have to worry about the potential of my boobs hitting me in the face. Same with dancing and other physical activities.
  • No worries about a necklace or a scarf falling awkwardly on my chest. Easy to accessorize!
  • Also, I can sleep quite comfortably on my stomach.
  • And I don’t get the back pain associated with constantly carrying a heavy load.
  • No concerns about a shirt not fitting well because of my boobs. I don’t have to be concerned about going up a size in shirts just to get one to fit around my boobs. Cause you know the angst a woman feels if they need to buy a bigger size in a piece of clothing, no matter what the reason is.
  • Along the same lines, I rarely have to worry about falling out of a bathing suit while swimming.
  • I can hide around the corner without worrying about my body parts giving away my hiding place.  I imagine this may be useful one day?
  • And lastly…my sparkling eyes are usually the first thing people notice about me.

There a couple of points which Ailish references to which I’m extremely happy that I don’t have to worry about:

  • Sweavage: Cleavage Sweat?  Who knew?  Mine don’t get stuffy, sweaty and aren’t smooshed together for an ungodly amount of hours. I can’t imagine that being any fun.
  • Leaning across a table for something and ending up with my “girls in the gravy.”   Ick.

I also read that smaller boobs have less of a chance of developing breast cancer.  And that PMS is a doozy on big breasted woman too.  I don’t know if these statements are scientifically true, but if so, I’m happy to be a member of the club.

When I was pregnant plenty of people said “Just you wait! Your boobs will get SO big!” Now again, I didn’t care about being big chested, but I was curious as to what I’d look like. Patiently I waited and waited throughout both of my pregnancies and shortly after, when supposedly all the milk comes in.  Nada. My children are 11 and 8 and I think I’m still waiting for the pregnancy boobs to come in.

Unfortunately, I don’t reap in the supposed benefits either.  No sexy cleavage. Never scored free drinks by wearing a low cut shirt, although my eyes and genuine smile work plenty.  I don’t get ogled when walking down the street (wait, this isn’t really a benefit, is it??)   And the most interesting thing about my boobs is probably the biopsy scar.

Obviously, everyone has their preferences – it’s all opinion and there is no right or wrong. There was a meme recently on Instagram that said I wish I had “I don’t need a bra” boobs. I swear I didn’t write it.  I don’t know who did – but finally – there’s someone out there, somewhere in the world, who is jealous of something I have!

Or actually what I “don’t” have.

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