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Ode to the Morning Person

I am a self-proclaimed NON-morning person.  My friends know this, my family knows this…and my husband especially know this.  I love, love, love my sleep.  Morning people baffle me.   It’s a way of life that I do not understand, nor can I see myself enjoying.

How? Why? Who?  Maybe if I learn a little more about them, it will unfold the mystery for me. These morning people and their chipper ways….they’re just so…so…so…awake!   I think it’s time to ask these “morning glories” a thing or two.  What gives people?

Dear Morning Person,

I hope you don’t mind me reaching out with some questions and concerns about how or why you can wake up so easily in the morning.  I don’t know why, but I can’t let this go and thought it would be beneficial to open up a little dialogue. That’s what adults do when they have things on their mind, right? (Or most, anyway.)  Your way of waking up in the morning makes absolutely no sense.  And I don’t think I’m alone.  I know there are countless others out there who are just as perplexed as I am. Help me understand why you are the way you are.

How can you just get up in the morning when the alarm goes off?  C’mon! Snooze, baby, snooze! Even after my constant snoozing, I can hardly get up. I need more sleep. And the folks who can just get up without an alarm clock to begin with?  I mean really – who are these people?   It’s unlikely they’re really human, right?  (You confuse me.  I don’t know how you do it. You scare me a bit too.)

One snowy day last winter, I received the robo-call that school was closed around 5:30am and I decided to get up out of bed.  I thought, OK – I’m sorta awake, let’s try to get up and do some work. The only thing I successfully accomplished was falling asleep at the computer. I vowed to never try that again!  (I don’t truly understand you, but you see that I have tried to be like you.)

The sounds of the birds chirping or the traffic steadily moving along only makes me want to pull the covers back over my head.  It does not make me want to “rise and shine,” nor eager to start the day. (But I raise hand to you, because maybe there are times when I’ve longed to be like you.)

Years ago when I told my BFF that I was pregnant with my son, the very first thing she asked was how I was going to deal with so little sleep and getting up so early in the morning.  (I told her that I had a good 34 year run as a “sleeper.” I had a silly notion that I would instantly become a morning person when I had children.  Sadly, I have failed.)

Oh, and why do you get up early on the weekends or on days that you don’t have to?  I’ll never understand the insanity. Seriously, what’s the rush? What’s with all that motivation so early in the AM?  (It must be nice to have full days to accomplish some of those pending items that you didn’t get to complete during the week. How come I’m not all revved up and ready to go?)

I hear that sometimes you wake up really early for the mere purpose of sneaking in some alone time.  Even earlier than the early?!  Really? (I marvel you.  You are my heroes.  Can you teach me?)

You are a different species.  That has to be it.  Morning people are a different species.  And we don’t talk the same language. (I’ve always wanted to learn a different language.)

How is it that you can communicate so eloquently and clearly at the crack of dawn?  Some even without caffeine. And how do you not yawn every 2 seconds like I do?  What’s with all the energy and positive outlook so early in the morning? (Is there a class that I can take?  Maybe an online course that I can take in my PJs.)

You are so “alive” on the morning commute.  You can exercise in the morning.  And you’re really fine with most, if not all, of the weekend sports events for your kids starting at the crack of dawn? (There HAS to be a class that I can take. Or maybe a pill?  I’m not anti-meds.)

I realize that you probably don’t understand me either.  We all have our differences.  We can live among each other, but might have to agree to disagree on this particular point.  Morning, schmorning…(Help me, please.)

I’m 46 years old – I’m probably well passed my prime to learn the skills of the morning person. (Maybe an ol’ gal can learn new tricks?)

(The morning person wannabe)

Crap, I think I may have blown my cover.   Fine, fine.  Full confession.   My name is Melissa and I AM a morning person wannabe.   I can deny it no more. I cave.

Helpful hints and suggestions on how to be more like YOU are totally welcome, Morning Person. I want to be full of life in the wee hours of the morning too!  No more grumpy morning Melissa. We’ll be speaking the same language – and may the phrase “snooze button” no longer be in my vocabulary.  With your help, I CAN do this! Rah-Rah!  I’m a quick learner. This is going to fantastic –  I’m ready!

I’d look forward to hearing from you soon, Morning Person.  (Just not before 10am, please.  Actually, better make that 11am…)

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