On some random Saturday when we were young, my sister and I were chowing down on some Pringles. My one-of-a-kind grandfather noticed and immediately scolded us saying that we shouldn’t eat those anymore because they are not real potatoes. He said they...
As the Publisher of SuburbanMisfitMom, I consider myself uniquely qualified to speak on behalf of the countless parenting failures that writers share with me in our down and dirty conversations. My other undeniable skillset in this regard is that I'm oftentimes a certifiable idiot...
Okay so diving straight in to magic might be too big a leap for you. How about ‘holistic’ or ‘natural’, ‘alternative medicine” if you feel more comfortable with that? It doesn’t really matter what you choose to call it. It’s...
This disaster of a photo naturally prompted me to call up my good friend, Annie, immediately. Breezy and ebullient, Annie sounded as though she’d just returned from a spa weekend, and as relieved as someone who’d just had fulfilling sex....
I was bullied. Not gonna lie. In fact, I was sexually assaulted. Yup. I was teased, too. And emotionally abused by my sorority sisters...and I'm pretty fucking sure I was date raped. After all, "No means no", right? Well, it...
Normally when I have a life crisis, my Inner Bitch is there to set me straight. You know damned well your coworker is a passive-aggressive witch. You know this, so knock that shit off about your feelings being hurt. My...
Making new mom friends isn’t always easy. Actually, it’s a lot like dating. You fear rejection. You want to have chemistry with that new mom you meet at mommy and me class. You want her to like you. Will her...
My second child cried as he boarded the bus six years ago for his first summer of sleep away camp. He wrote letters home about the pain and torment of sleep away camp, telling us he wasn’t “manly enough for...
I admit it. I took the candy. And at 9 years old, I felt so guilty that under the cloak of darkness, I jumped the fence, crossed the busy street, put the stolen candy in the mailbox in front of...
Both my boys are huge fans of Leonardo Di Caprio. My oldest loves the movie Titanic, and my youngest takes a liking to anything his older brother does, so we've read countless books, trivia, and watched a plethora of documentaries,...
There's often a village of humans helping us find our way in this crazy world, especially as we're growing up. The village may be comprised of our parents, grandparents, other relatives, friends of the family, teachers, etc... Not everyone's village...
After working in Corporate America for about 25 years - 16 of those in Human Resources - you can safely assume that I've been afforded quite the opportunity to observe the best and worst of human interactions. Which is keenly...
My son's little league career ended this spring....it's quite alright....no big drama. He simply aged out of the program and doesn't have the skill or desire to continue on to more competitive teams... It was a wonderful experience for all of...
Maybe it is heartless, but I never understood the whole “waving as the bus leaves for sleep away camp” thing. You knew they are leaving. You can’t really see them through the bus windows. But, you continue to stand there,...
As I'm desperately working to finalize the yearbook for my daughter's elementary school, I keep thinking...WHY did I raise my hand for this? HOW did this happen? Did I really volunteer for this?! I mutter, "Man, this is a lot of work....
“Sisterhood”. Guilty as charged, I have used an abstract concept — a term that is used so frequently to try to point out, rationalize, explain, and sometimes to criticize so-called ‘natural’ relations between females. There are many other variations of the notional...
Wednesday morning, I get a terrified plea from my 60+ year old long distance boyfriend. "I am in a lot of pain. I'm scared. I really want you here. Please fly up. I need you." Not one to panic, I...
There are three guarantees in the parenting world. You were a better parent before you had kids. You will judge, however you might try not to, other parents with a “difficult” kid until you have one of your own. Your...
Got your attention, right? Clearly, I have some explaining to do. After being divorced for almost four years, how can one say they’re in love with their Ex? Simple, I am. And actually, I love him more now than I...
At the end of May it will officially be twenty years since I graduated from high school. High School was not altogether an unpleasurable experience for me. I had a few friends, I got my driver’s license, and I learned...
America's latest controversy is over leggings (so proud!) If you've been hiding behind your Levi's over the past few days, I'll briefly fill you in - United Airlines did not allow 3 females, including at 10 year old girl, to...
Do I smell? I don’t think I do. I mean, I wear deodorant. Fuck, I even spray my vag with that FDS shit. Clearly, I do not stink. It has to be something else...There has to be some other reason...
I just sat there. Listening to these young moms talk. I wanted to lunge across the table and SHAKE THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF THEM! If only I could share my secrets! Tell them what I’d do differently. If only...
I'm sorry, I can't do lunch today. But you work from home, don't you? What was the 3rd word you just said? Work? Yep, that one. But don't you make your own hours? No, not really. You just work part...
Saturday was World Cancer Day. Cancer. C for Cancer. C is for Cruel and Callous, for Crummy, Crappy and another word I won’t use. That one word, those two syllables which change your entire life. In the one second it takes to...
This past week, I avoided watching the inauguration, and instead, had lunch with a girlfriend. Then I continued to avoid watching it by running errands and drinking iced coffee in the sunshine while I worked. I suspect if I’d started...
I laugh at the most inappropriate moments, and I have a strange knack for getting myself into awkward situations. It’s a recipe for disaster. A friend of mine’s Mum had been ill for some time – she had cancer and...
Dear Pregnant Jen, There is so much I wish I could tell you before you go into labor on that first night of Passover, March 25, 2016. Yes, you will go into labor during the first night of Seder while...
Divorce is grief. People categorize it differently, like a life change or a transition or maybe even a tragedy. They focus on the finances, who gets the kids, and if the adults are acting decent or like jack asses. But...
I look down at my text message that says, “How is your day going?” and smirk. I’m in the bathroom regretting that delicious black bean soup I had two hours ago. Normally I wouldn’t say anything to ANYONE, including my...
Three years ago, a friend gave the book I wrote to her friend, a famous literary agent we’ll call “Betty.” It was a big favor, and a long shot. I wasn’t even really a writer; Betty’s writers won Pulitzers. But I...
The day after Christmas my family and I decided to go see the movie “Sing” at a local movie theater. While walking out of the movie, my kids were giddy, running around happily and laughing about the movie. We took...
“Daddy, why do they call him the ghost?” My daughter asks in between handfuls of popcorn. “Because one moment he's there and then he's gone--like a ghost.” I explain. “Watch how elusive he is,” I say. Watch his head movement.”...
This year ranks up there as one of the toughest and most challenging years of my life. While there were many moments of joy and many things to be grateful for, overall it wasn’t pretty. The overwhelming feeling amongst most...
Deadpan eyes. Those perfectly set hair buns. A facial expression that could stop storm troopers but enough femininity to make Luke trip over himself. Growing up in the 80's it was all Barbies in pink with tiny waists and My...
I feel fairly confident I’m not the first to say that the holidays can be weird. Holidays are joy and goodness and light, but they’re also funny because they bring up so much "stuff" for everyone. There aren’t many other...
The alarms are going off at 5:30 in the morning. As I sleepily walk through the halls trying to identify the source of the noise, I find myself leaving my apartment and entering the hallway air conditioning closet. I unlock...
I live on the edge of a college campus, the one that I attended for undergrad and graduate school. I grew up on another edge of that same campus as a kid, so I’m well-acquainted with the space. I walk...
Something I've discovered is that even during Christmas time the internet is a dark, vacuous place full of cruelty and ugliness. And now it's about to get even uglier because this is literally a list of things that are making...
'Twas the night after Christmas and all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even my spouse. The stockings were thrown on the floor without care, A sign that St. Nicholas had lately been there. The children were...
I’m in a safe space, right? Like a judgement-free zone of sorts, right? Whew. I need to share with you my latest obsession. The obsession that fulfills the “escapism” need I have. And I need to get answers on a couple...
This is the story of my life. I'm either hustling through a commute, navigating my workday or rustling up the kids at all times. The truth is, there is never any time left to stop. Never time to think much through, to...
#1 Being first and doing it alone doesn't mean you are brave, just stupid -there's no rush to the top and having cancer has taught me that I can't go it alone #2 Being perfect. Yep. There are typos in...
"A" my name is Alice and my husband's name is Albert. We live in Alabama and we sell Apples. "B" my name is Bonnie and my husband's name is Barry. We live in Bermuda we sell Bananas. "C" my name...
I often joked that my cats were going to be the only grandchildren my parents would have. In many ways, I saw my cats as my babies, though I knew having a baby would probably not be anything like owning...
"You're having a girl!" A wha? Really? "Yes, you see those 3 little lines? Those indicate girl parts." That completely took me by surprise. I figured that I'd be having another boy. Wow, a girl. Crap, a girl - ouch. Immediately I thought "drama"...
Not long ago I wrote a story about the day I met the father of a child who was killed in the shooting at Sandy Hook. The day it posted I sat reading a few comments people posted and feeling...
I've always found myself on the periphery of the cool crowd. Thematically, over my lifetime, whether it's been my family, sorority, or single hood, I recognize that my collection of close friends has no core, and yet, I always find...