She had gray hair, the fine lines of experience cut a road map across her face as her eyes lit up with the smile that graced her face when she looked at me. “Good for you, dear,” she patted my...
Do I smell? I don’t think I do. I mean, I wear deodorant. Fuck, I even spray my vag with that FDS shit. Clearly, I do not stink. It has to be something else...There has to be some other reason...
The last few months of 2016 I was in a funk of sorts. Let me clarify… I’m not talking about a smell or a type of music; apparently there are multiple definitions of the word. The funk I’m referring to...
I just sat there. Listening to these young moms talk. I wanted to lunge across the table and SHAKE THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF THEM! If only I could share my secrets! Tell them what I’d do differently. If only...
First grade, in all its glory, has not been what I thought it would be. After a successful first year of full time schooling in Kindergarten, my daughter was so excited to be back for another year. A new teacher...
The day had arrived. When I had set the date, I hadn’t really thought too much about it but as it drew nearer I began to get nervous. I mean, it’d been three years! What if I forgot what to do?...
I'm sorry, I can't do lunch today. But you work from home, don't you? What was the 3rd word you just said? Work? Yep, that one. But don't you make your own hours? No, not really. You just work part...
Did you ever have one of those occasions where you don’t what the hell happened or how you got there…like seeing your hubby rock some white thigh highs for example? Now, in his defense, he did just have a total...
I need to laugh. I need to continue seeing things like this: Yes, that’s Comic Sans and you can kiss my ass. I liked Comic Sans before it became mainstream and I like it more now that it’s been villainized...
I was wearing my 'going out' flip flops (you know, the ones with a diamante on them), my comfy sports bra and my unwashed hair was piled almost convincingly up in a top knot. Loosely of course, because of rubbish...
In the years leading up to motherhood (as in my late twenties), I sucked at sleeping late on weekends. I consistently popped up between 6:30 and 7 a.m. every morning because my body was conditioned for the weekday wakeup. And...
Why Can't I Be Like Other People? Someone overheard you say these words. And that someone relayed that to me. My heart has been sitting in my throat ever since and there are tears in my eyes that won't dry. If...
We live in a country where carrying a toy gun while being brown or black or even just ethnically ambiguous can get you murdered by law enforcement, with impunity. As the daughter of a Mexican-American police officer in South Texas,...
Saturday was World Cancer Day. Cancer. C for Cancer. C is for Cruel and Callous, for Crummy, Crappy and another word I won’t use. That one word, those two syllables which change your entire life. In the one second it takes to...
This past week, I avoided watching the inauguration, and instead, had lunch with a girlfriend. Then I continued to avoid watching it by running errands and drinking iced coffee in the sunshine while I worked. I suspect if I’d started...
I laugh at the most inappropriate moments, and I have a strange knack for getting myself into awkward situations. It’s a recipe for disaster. A friend of mine’s Mum had been ill for some time – she had cancer and...
Dear Pregnant Jen, There is so much I wish I could tell you before you go into labor on that first night of Passover, March 25, 2016. Yes, you will go into labor during the first night of Seder while...
Divorce is grief. People categorize it differently, like a life change or a transition or maybe even a tragedy. They focus on the finances, who gets the kids, and if the adults are acting decent or like jack asses. But...
I look down at my text message that says, “How is your day going?” and smirk. I’m in the bathroom regretting that delicious black bean soup I had two hours ago. Normally I wouldn’t say anything to ANYONE, including my...
Three years ago, a friend gave the book I wrote to her friend, a famous literary agent we’ll call “Betty.” It was a big favor, and a long shot. I wasn’t even really a writer; Betty’s writers won Pulitzers. But I...
I took on a new job that requires me to process and analyze a great deal political news. I grew up with a passion for politics, but to be honest I have been so disgruntled the past couple of years...
The day after Christmas my family and I decided to go see the movie “Sing” at a local movie theater. While walking out of the movie, my kids were giddy, running around happily and laughing about the movie. We took...
Doesn’t that sound like an ominous movie title? Like you can hear the creepy-ass music building up, as you see scene flashes of a negative bank account, the cell phone saying “no service,” the harried mom yelling at the youngest...
“Daddy, why do they call him the ghost?” My daughter asks in between handfuls of popcorn. “Because one moment he's there and then he's gone--like a ghost.” I explain. “Watch how elusive he is,” I say. Watch his head movement.”...
My daughter recently came home from school and told me that a little boy on the playground was pushing her around. Not so much physically, she reported, but more verbally. Telling her she couldn’t be friends with so-and-so, that she...
We have established that we, as moms, lead very busy lives. From the shuttling the kids all around town, making dinners, and doing homework to working outside the home full-time. We don’t get a second to ourselves let alone get...
Parenting is challenging no matter what. If your kid is a genius who never wet the bed and never snuck out the window, parenting is a challenge because you probably are clueless when he struggles to solve a math problem...
This year ranks up there as one of the toughest and most challenging years of my life. While there were many moments of joy and many things to be grateful for, overall it wasn’t pretty. The overwhelming feeling amongst most...
Deadpan eyes. Those perfectly set hair buns. A facial expression that could stop storm troopers but enough femininity to make Luke trip over himself. Growing up in the 80's it was all Barbies in pink with tiny waists and My...
I feel fairly confident I’m not the first to say that the holidays can be weird. Holidays are joy and goodness and light, but they’re also funny because they bring up so much "stuff" for everyone. There aren’t many other...
The alarms are going off at 5:30 in the morning. As I sleepily walk through the halls trying to identify the source of the noise, I find myself leaving my apartment and entering the hallway air conditioning closet. I unlock...
You know what I like? I like waking up in the morning and still seeing the white scape of the moon in the morning sky. And it's imprinted in the blue just like it was the night before when I...
December 25th is my daughter's birthday - more popularly known as Christmas Day, of course. We were celebrating all the holiday occasions with my husband's side of the family when my sister texted me "OMG did you hear about George...
I live on the edge of a college campus, the one that I attended for undergrad and graduate school. I grew up on another edge of that same campus as a kid, so I’m well-acquainted with the space. I walk...
Something I've discovered is that even during Christmas time the internet is a dark, vacuous place full of cruelty and ugliness. And now it's about to get even uglier because this is literally a list of things that are making...
'Twas the night after Christmas and all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even my spouse. The stockings were thrown on the floor without care, A sign that St. Nicholas had lately been there. The children were...
Last weekend, I attended my first day-long meditation retreat. We’d done several sits, heard several talks, taken several breaks. But then came the retreat leader’s question, Who would you be if you stopped believing there was something wrong with you?...
I’m in a safe space, right? Like a judgement-free zone of sorts, right? Whew. I need to share with you my latest obsession. The obsession that fulfills the “escapism” need I have. And I need to get answers on a couple...
Today our state grieves along with the rest of the nation. For those precious little lives who should be in class today with their friends, and returned safely back to their parents at the end of the day. Today and...
Acceptance. You turn on the TV to start searching for that evil Jillian Michael’s workout and your toddler's eyes light up! He runs to the couch with all three of his blankies, sits down as close as he can to...
Last week I had the privilege of seeing Dolly Parton live in concert. It's funny, I didn't even realize how many of her songs I loved until my mom told me she had tickets and then I started to count...
All moms are different. We find what works for us. We do what we have to do. We parent in our own unique ways, but the stuff of motherhood makes us all part of the same tribe. We all carry...
Spoiler Alert!! If you are under the age of 10 or believe in Santa Claus do not read any further! This past Christmas has been filled with wonderful memories, sad happenings, and uneasiness. You see, I'm the mother of a...
#1 Being first and doing it alone doesn't mean you are brave, just stupid -there's no rush to the top and having cancer has taught me that I can't go it alone #2 Being perfect. Yep. There are typos in...
"A" my name is Alice and my husband's name is Albert. We live in Alabama and we sell Apples. "B" my name is Bonnie and my husband's name is Barry. We live in Bermuda we sell Bananas. "C" my name...
Dear fifth grade boy, Let me start out by saying how happy I am for you. You’ve made it this far in life without being murdered by your parents – and that is a feat in and of itself. You...
I often joked that my cats were going to be the only grandchildren my parents would have. In many ways, I saw my cats as my babies, though I knew having a baby would probably not be anything like owning...
The past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense. After you roll your eyes, lend me your ears. Let’s imagine your future self. Blythe, billionaire heiress, floating on a swan shaped inflatable at an exclusive resort in...
Not long ago I wrote a story about the day I met the father of a child who was killed in the shooting at Sandy Hook. The day it posted I sat reading a few comments people posted and feeling...
Over the past few years, much has been written about the different types of parenting styles. The main 3 out there seem to be: Helicopter Parent - A style of parents who are over focused on their children; child rearing in which...