When Did I Stop Liking Sex?
In the car, the elevator to my apartment building, on the computer chair, on the kitchen floor. Whenever, wherever I wanted sex I would just go for it. I think that was the main reason my husband fell for me. I was spontaneous, adventurous and ready all of the time. Fast forward six years and I find myself saying, “Can this be quick? I’m beat.” THAT WAS MY WAKE UP CALL.
A little backstory. I am 41 years old, 6 years older than my sweet husband who patiently puts up with the miserable sex life that I provide him. Yes, I say provide him, because as a wife, maintaining a healthy active sex life is key for a healthy marriage. Right now I like to say our marriage has the flu, because I’m tired and have no energy. I am a stay at home mom who also is PA Vice President for my 5 year old’s school. I am keeping a watchful eye on an 18 year old daughter who is now looking at colleges and setting career goals, raising a 19 month old bam-bam impersonator and I just started taking weekend classes at a local college to get my Teachers Assistant certification. Bear in mind we also live in a 2 bedroom apartment and share a room with our two youngest. Suffice it to say I’m a busy woman with absolutely no time, energy or privacy.
So on those nights when my brain is telling me, “Oh look at Jason tonight…He looks good,” my body is saying “Can’t move, need sleep.” I’ve jumped in the shower on occasion while he’s getting ready for work or caught him ever so often when he is dead asleep. My problem is that it doesn’t happen enough. Is it me? Am I the only woman who feels this way? Many will say no, some will tell me to make time for each other and go on a date night. But I know there are millions of moms out there who can agree when I respond with, “HOW? When?”
The reality is that I miss being intimate with my husband. I miss the days when he would wrap his arms around my waist (when I had one) and kiss my neck. Time has really gotten the better of us and I don’t know how much more patient he can be before he goes berserk, better yet before I start climbing the walls like a cat in heat. In my younger days I didn’t need intimacy. I saw sex as a carnal act between two people. As a woman in my 40’s I find that intimacy and romance is so sexy and important. How do I relay that message to a 35 year old male smack dab in the middle of his sexual prime?
For now, I will continue to steal moments every chance I get. I will continue to look for female Viagra and drink an entire bottle of wine so I can feel like my younger self again. I will do what I can until the day comes when I can say “I LOVE SEX” again.