When You Need A Reason To Divorce

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Divorce Papers (For Her) from the Law Offices of Lurkathomemom. Lurk At Home Mom is a Self Proclaimed Divorce Attorney and Self Certified Life Coach. Please cite your reason(s) for divorce. Check all that apply. Keep in mind, if you check off more than 50% of the options, your divorce papers will automatically sign themselves.

__I asked him if these jeans made me look fat 7 years ago and we haven’t spoken since.

__He just referred to Ace Ventura, Pet Detective as “the greatest movie of our generation.”

__There’s an uneven number of fries at the bottom of our Wendy’s bag.

__He said “Why would I buy you a gift for Mother’s Day? You’re not MY mother” and my head literally exploded all over the plastic food breakfast my children prepared for me, rendering the marital bed completely useless.

__I said “fine then, don’t buy me anything,” and he didn’t buy me anything. Nor did he even attempt to look for my anonymous Amazon Wish list.

__He’s been shoveling off the roof for 9 months. He lives there now.

__We finished that Netflix series so what else are we supposed to do?

__He thinks sleeping with a machete and blow torch under the pillow after spotting a mosquito in the bedroom is “an overreaction.”

__We signed up for a half marathon together and now we need an excuse to get out of it.

__He just said something was “ridonkulous.”

__It’s been 4 minutes and he still hasn’t acknowledged my hair cut.

__He thinks it would be fun to “get the kids into camping.”

__He just notified me that his mother is on her way over, but not to worry because “she won’t care if the house is a little messy.”

__Irreconcilable differences: pizza toppings

__Disagreement over whose turn it is to call Comcast. The cable bill is now $70,000 a month and we need a lawyer to figure out whose fault it is.

__I sent him to the store to buy Cheese Itz and he came home with Cheese Nips. He’s dead to me now.

__I’ve been standing in the hall saying “Really? That’s what you’re wearing?” for 3 days. He’s not getting the hint and I’m starting to lose my voice.

__I was going to come in from my jog, but I heard the kids whining and decided to jog another few miles. I’ve crossed the border and am starting a new life in Mexico.

__He said there were 2 minutes left in the football game. He has since become fused to the couch.

__Forget it. I’m fine.

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