Why I’m Writing
Why did I really start my blog?
Well…when I was younger, I loved books. It was a way for me to escape my world of violence and drugs. I grew up in Oakland, CA. In the projects…The Morh House Projects. We had a mobile library that parked around the corner of my house every Saturday morning. It was always empty. I was able to check out a book and then return it for a new one the following week. Reading was my adventure. It was my form of travel. I got to read about other families who lived “normal” lives and complained about their cow tongue sandwich their moms packed for lunch (a Beverly Cleary book) verses living in my own reality of watching my uncle snort coke while playing cards and hitting his wife, my blood aunt.
I got to read about patience, love, and understanding when Ramona decided to squeeze a tube of toothpaste out on the sink. I forgot for a brief moment about my own reality when I got hit off the toilet with a broom stick because I still wanted to play outside…Only to find out a couple of days later that I had a new place to live without any notice or the ability to say goodbye to my family or friends. I had to leave everything behind. Just like that. I was seven. My story can go on and on and on about the tumultuous life I once lived. Books were my only escape. They were my saviors. Maybe that’s why I try so hard to stay positive now because I know how dark life can get. Now I only experience hard days. No more dark days. I can handle hard. I can’t handle dark. Although, I have survived them.
So back to my initial question: Why did I really start my blog?
Well, number one, it’s because I love to write. I’ve always realized I had a gift but really never had the confidence. I always needed validation of some sort to share my gifts. And you know what? Living in the ghetto, you were rarely ever gifted with any type of positive validation. But now that I’m older, my validation comes from within and so should everyone else’s! I’ve always thought I was never good enough to write. So I didn’t. I lost my creativity and imagination because I didn’t allow myself to embrace my talents. I’m not going to do that anymore. And that is why I started my blog. To share my love of writing whether you think I suck or not. This…this is for me. I also write to share my story. To possibly reach out to someone currently in their dark days. To let them know with self-love anything is possible. I love my life now. And I also understand that everyday my life is a work in progress. I can’t just be all sunshine and glitter for a few days and think that is enough to live a positive healthy life. No. It is an everyday process. Like I said, I can handle hard days. But I will no longer tolerate dark days. Writing is therapeutic for me. It heals me. And like I said earlier, I hope that by sharing my story, it touches someone else and ignites the healing process within them.
I write to also bring back my imagination and creativity: gifts we all have and sometimes lose. Like I tell my daughters, “Hold on to your creativity and imagination. This is something you can’t really learn in school. And as you get older, it slowly slips away from you if you don’t use it.” So yea, this is why I started my blog.
If the things I write make you cringe or annoyed, I’m not apologizing. Instead, I bless you and hope you find something that inspires you to lead a life with love. I choose to write not to harm or offend and if I did, then I apologize. But maybe you should just really think about what you’re doing for yourself to heal yourself and promote self love within. Because then you won’t get easily offended or hurt. I have learned how to love myself unconditionally so that I’m not easily offended anymore. Go ahead and talk shit. Tell me I don’t know how to write or that I don’t know how to drive because I’m Asian (I’m actually a great driver). I really don’t give a fuck. And that is because I’m too busy learning to love myself unconditionally. Your opinion is just that…it is yours. So you can keep it. Oh and if I forgot to mention, I also write because one day, I hope to write a book. I won’t reach my goal if I don’t practice, right?
And this is why I write.