'Twas the night after Christmas and all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even my spouse. The stockings were thrown on the floor without care, A sign that St. Nicholas had lately been there. The children were...
The other day I came home to find a chocolate-scented scratch 'n sniff sticker on the kitchen wall. Sure, it smelled nice, but... Why? After apprehending the main suspect (my 6-year-old daughter), the interrogation went something like this: Me: "Why...
Hang in there, parents! Summer break is not only in full swing, but it's actually starting to wind down! In fact, my school district is on a schedule that has our kids going back to school THIS WEEK! (Yes, I...
"You're naturally lumpy," my doctor said. "Let's go ahead and get you scheduled for a mammogram so I can have a baseline, that way going forward I'll know which lumps are ok and which ones aren't." Oh, good. "Naturally lumpy."...
{November 2011, driving to Grandma's house} Son (who was 5 at the time): "There's a damn leaf on the windshield!" Me: "Whoa! You can't say that word. That's a bad word." Son: "But what about the water dam we just...
It was a little after 1am when I woke up and heard my 9-year-old son crying. I ran to his room and asked what was wrong. Through sobs, he said he was afraid his fish were going to die soon....
Look around you. They're everywhere. Occupying every room of the house, taking over your personal space, creating noise and clutter. No, I'm not talking about your kids. I'm talking about their toys. And if your house is anything like mine,...
It's time for bed! Let's get you changed. Your pillow is waiting, Your bed is arranged. Your pajamas aren't right? But I think they're pretty! Oh. Ok, fine. Get the ones with the kitty. Now you're all set. Hop into--...
10:00pm - Change into pajamas. Liberally apply lip balm and hand lotion. Settle into bed. Cat1 curls up on my chest, Cat2 curls up at my feet. 11:18pm - Wake up because Husband is snoring. Gently touch his shoulder and...
'Tis the season! No, not Christmas, thankfully that's over with for at least a few months. 'Tis the season for a different kind of exchange. Not gifts... Germs. Every parent knows their kids are adorable little germ dealers. My own...
Dear Santa, First off, let me congratulate you on your phenomenal marketing efforts. You certainly seem to have cornered the market on the whole "Fat Guy Who Sneaks Into Your House and Leaves Presents" thing, and somehow you manage to...
When I started writing for Suburban Misfit Mom I decided I needed to update my profile picture. The one I'd been using on Twitter was over-filtered in a "Refuse to acknowledge I'm 40 and wrinkling" kind of way, and my...
I grew up loving Greek mythology. Powerful divinities, torrid affairs, epic adventures, scandals and sacrifices... It was like a soap opera that I was allowed to watch. Now that I'm an adult - and a mom - I find myself...