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Ye Olde Drop Off Bar 

For moms of younger kids, the drop off is a special kind of pain. Your 2 or 3-year-old seems full of excitement at the idea of a play group or preschool. But, when the door opens up and the strange teacher reaches out to take them inside, it’s as if they are being sucked into a vortex of hell. The kids hold you tight, climbing up your face in a desperate bid for survival. They scream for help, kick, and writhe out of the teacher’s evil grip. Like Kate Winslet hanging on to the handrail of the Titanic, they will watch helplessly as, one-by-one, the children are all brought into the room.

Then the door closes. The moms are on the outside, still listening to the hopeless wails for salvation.

This is when the Ye Olde Drop Off Bar would be most helpful.

I propose each pre-K have a rolling bar equipped with the following:

  1. Sauvignon Blanc — This wine might take the edge off without giving you purple teeth. It is 9am after all, no need for the whole world to know you already had some wine.
  2. Merlot — For the moms who want to dive deeply into how this moment has forever scarred their children and how they may pull their kids out…later, as now the moms are sleepy and might nap.
  3. Tequila — For the moms that were trying to enroll their kids in the program at 6 months old.
  4. Whiskey, straight up — For the moms who just dropped off kids #3 or 4 and didn’t even notice if the kids were crying or not (they weren’t).
  5. Margarita — Here’s to you, Caribbean nannies.
  6. Bellini — For the moms who would never, ok, just a little.
  7. Vodka — For the stray dad who has one of those vague jobs that allows him to drop off his child…then back to work.
  8. Craft beer — For the stay at home dad who honors the Drop Off bar, but knows he will never truly belong.

The bar needs to be tendered by a grandmother, obviously. These moms need the wizened eyes of a mother who knows that this heart-rendering time is just a blip in a universe of moments. The grandmother bartender will pour the right drink for the mom, nod knowingly, and say something like, “Little bastards won’t even remember this.”

And, with the help of Ye Olde Drop Off Bar, maybe we too will forget.

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